


Totally Tropical Remus and the Fishy Faux Pas

by Wildflame



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Humor, M/M, Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter Friendship, Totally Tropical Remus, all single and ready to mingle, and bartender, and fish, checking out the sexy waiter, pre-Jily, pre-wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-04 01:42:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13353846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wildflame/pseuds/Wildflame
Summary: Lily is an hour late for dinner, and Remus has already hit the rum.There was only one way for this to end really.





	Totally Tropical Remus and the Fishy Faux Pas

“I’m so sorry Remus,” Lily gushed when she reached him at the bar. She threw her arms around him and gave him a kiss on the cheek, nearly knocking him over. “I just got caught up at work… thanks so much for waiting! Have you been here long?”

“Don’t worry,” grinned Remus cheerfully. “It’s no problem at all. I just grabbed a drink here,” he said nodding towards the bar where two cocktail glasses stood, both already empty. “Oh,” he added standing up. “I think I might be a teeny bit tropical.”

“Oh Remus,” said Lily rolling her eyes. “Come on, let’s get some food in you. When’s the last time you ate?”

“Er…” Remus said, clutching Lily’s arm to steady himself as they made their way into the restaurant. “I did have breakfast this morning. And a packet of crisps at about four.”

“What about lunch?” asked Lily. 

“I was just, you know, in the library. Lost track of time,” shrugged Remus as they took a seat at an empty table. “By the time I realised it was so late it was almost time to leave for here so there wasn’t any point…” Remus cut off suddenly. “Ooh lily,” he squealed. “He’s coming!”

“Who’s…? Ow.” Lily was rudely interrupted by a kick under the table. 

“Good evening,” said the waiter pleasantly, handing them each a menu. As he did, he caught Remus eye, and asked, “can I get either of you anything to drink?” which Remus did not hear, already lost in the waiters gaze.

Remus came to with a kick under the table. “Err what?” he asked stupidly. 

“Drink, Remus?” said Lily looking at him pointedly.

“Oh.. er.. I’ll have the same as you,” said Remus quickly.

“I hadn’t ordered yet,” Lily said chewing on he lip in an attempt to prevent any laughter escaping. “A glass of house white for me, and probably just some water for this one,” she added. 

“Yes, of course,” smiled waiter, and Remus felt his insides wobble. 

“Oh my goodness, Remus,” Lily giggled as soon as the waiter was out of earshot. “You are so embarrassing.”

“No I’m not,” Remus sulked. 

“Oh really?” Lily grinned crookedly. “I think you might have actually drooled a bit there.”

“Oh stop it Lily!” whined Remus. “Did you not see the guy? I’ve been watching him for the last hour… he’s so… and the way he walks… his hair, Lily. The hair!”

“Eh,” Lily shrugged. “Not really my type. A bit too rugged.”

“Rugged?” Remus almost screamed. A few people turned to look at them. “He’s a precious, delicate flower.”

“Shhh,” Lily laughed. “You know what I mean. He has that bad boy look about him. I prefer the more intellectual type.”

“Oh yeah? Like me, you mean?” teased Remus. “Pale and tired looking, obviously never steps out of the library in daylight hours.”

“Remus, I love you dearly,” said Lily sticking her tongue out at him. "But no."

“Ok then, who?” Remus challenged her. 

“Erm,” Lily hesitated, looking around the restaurant. “What about the guy behind the bar?”

“Oh I see,” said Remus pointedly. “When you said intellectual, you didn’t mean intellectual. You meant someone who looks like they spend their whole life at the gym, but wears glasses.”

“Oh shush,” Lily dismissed Remus. “He’s cute though, isn’t he?”

“Well,” Remus said leaning in. “Lucky for you, he fancies you too.”

“Don’t be silly. He probably hasn’t even seen me.”

“Yeah well, we were having a right laugh right up until the moment you walked in and gave me a kiss,” said Remus, with a conspiratorial air, “and now he looks like he wants to murder me.”

“No!” said Lily turning around to have a proper look at the bartender.

Remus kicked her under the chair again. “Don’t be so obvious,” he said in a mocking tone. “You’re so embarrassing… oh my god he’s coming back.”

“Right Remus,” said Lily sternly. “Deep breaths.”

Remus closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, using his hands as if they could push more air into his lungs. 

“A glass of house white, and a glass of water,” said the waiter, handing them each their respective drink. “Are you ready to order?”

“Oh not quite yet,” said Lily. 

“Erm,” said Remus, quickly looking at the menu determined not to make a fool of himself. His eyes fell on the salmon. “How is your semen?” he asked. Lily choked on the wine she was taking a sip from, and Remus froze in horror at the realisation of what had just escaped his mouth. 

“Delectable, I am told,” said the waiter without missing a beat. “But I am always open to reviews.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always welcome, or come say hi on [tumblr.](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/wild-and-flammable)


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